Lost?

Ever had the feeling like you don't know where you are in life, where you stand in the lives of others, and what direction you're heading? Or even if you're moving at all for that matter. I get these feelings once in a while, I guess you can label it as depression, hopelessness, sadness, melancholy... the feeling of being lost.

I feel like my inner monologue is just screaming and screaming, for someone to come by and just find me and save me. I always wish for the moment where I can finally just be who I want to be, have what I want in life, and finally just have the feeling of release, not having to care what other people think or expect, not having to have obligations and being accountable for others. Am I selfish?

Is every life worth living? Is every life worth saving? Is every life worth at least something?

I don't know.

Winter, Spring, Summer, now Fall.

I can't believe it's been 8 months since I last made a post on here. It's funny that even though time has flew by I am still stuck in the same place. The whole summer's rushed by me and I feel like I haven't even had the chance to begin enjoying it, and now it's already over. I'm feeling more and more stressed out as the weeks go by. I finished university yet I'm stuck in a dead end job. Why won't anyone hire me?!?! Is there something wrong with me?!!!!

Basically I feel like I'm in dire straits right now, between a rock and a hard place. I'm not happy, and I want to be happy. I keep telling myself that my time will come where things will finally pick up but the stress of having a crappy job, the impending repayment of student loans, and still stuck living at home at the age of 24 is a very humbling thought for my ego. I remember thinking to myself that I would have this and that accomplished by the time I finish school, and that I would be an established and self-sufficient guy with a bright career path. I'm not so sure anymore.

I know things happen for a reason, and I'm hoping that the saying "good things come to those who wait" will hold true for myself. Anyway I start work in less than an hour, so I should get going.

Happy New Year

Hello and welcome to 2010. I'm a bit overdue on the Christmas and New Year's posts, but hey it's better late than never. So here I am once again, suffering from insomnia. The past few days I've managed to have a normal nights sleep due to my being sick and having to pop Nyquil. Now that I'm off that stuff, my body has reverted back to its nocturnal state.

So an update on the job situation, I got the government job and had my first day on Monday! So far it's been alright, but it's been a bit lonely as I haven't been able to make friends with anyone in the office so far. But of course there's always the really nice lady in the office who's helping me with everything!

I'm also applying for the Explore program, and if I manage to get a bursary I will be off to Quebec in the Summer to improve my French. J'espere pouvoir voyager a Montreal, souhaitez-moi la chance!

Christmas is coming. (Decisions, decisions).

Christmas is coming in less that 4 days! I seriously cannot believe how fast this whole year has gone by. I guess it's true what they say, the older you get, the more you want everything to stay the same.

Here are some pics I took with my sister downtown tonight.










So I've gotten 2 job offers so far, 1 from Syncrude in Fort McMurray (which I've already accepted), and 1 from Matrikon here in Edmonton. I also had an interview with Western Economic Diversification (which is a federal government department) last Friday, and I should be hearing back either tomorrow or Wednesday. The plan is that I was going to go to Fort McMurray should I not be able to secure a position here in Edmonton. Right now I'm torn as to what to do next... On one hand I would rather much prefer to stay in Edmonton for the time being. Fort McMurray is so desolate, and the winters there make it so much more unbearable. If it was Summer right now I'd go in a heartbeat. On the other hand, the pay that Syncrude is offering is twice the amount that Matrikon is. WD told me I would most likely be at the top of the pay scale for their position, so hopefully I'll get an answer from them soon. I have until Christmas Eve to get back to Matrikon so I'll see what happens then.

Also I cannot believe Brittany Murphy died! Seriously she was 32 years old and died of a heart attack. Way too young to be taken away from this world, but it makes you wonder if it was really a "natural death" or was it from something she was doing?
When celebrities or other well-known people pass away, it makes me feel old. These are people society has put onto a pedestal. For some reason, deep down, I always have this underlying feeling that these celebrities are constant, invincible, and static. When these people pass away, people that we've grown up with, seen on TV, in the movies... it just reminds me how I, a normal, "regular" person, will end up in the same place at some point in the future. I don't know the point I'm trying to get across, but essentially, news like this makes me sad and scared.

The other day during yoga class I heard this song. One of the best songs I've heard this year, it's sad yet happy. I guess sad is happy, for deep people. :D
I've posted a fan-made video for the song, as well as live performance. Enjoy.

Beautiful Day

Insomnia v.91238231287312..........

Okay so it is yet ANOTHER sleepless night. I've completely messed up my schedule whereby I fall asleep around 4/5pm and then wake up around 8/9pm. THIS SUCKS. It's soooo boring at night, but I can't help but fall asleep in the late afternoon cuz I'm so tired at that time.... sigh.

Anyway I had an interview Monday morning and I thought it went quite well. I have to go back on Wednesday to do a writing sample for them so they can see how my written communication skills are. I hope I don't fob out and write incoherent ramblings like I do here. I hope I get this job and I hope it pays well enough so that I can save up for my graduation trip this upcoming Summer. I still have not decided what region of the world I want to go to (Europe vs. Asia), but I will see how much I need to go to each place, how much I can save up, and who else is willing to come with me. :D

So the weather has been absofuckinglutely ridiculous. Edmonton was the 2nd coldest place in the world on Sunday morning with a temperature of -48C, WTFFFFFF. I took some pictures of the first major snowfall we had this year, which coincidentally enough happened on my first day of freedom.





I've also been having so much time on my hands that I've been sitting around and reminiscing about the good old days. Usually this includes me listening to the awesome music I grew up with, and this time I remembered my quest to find a brand new copy of Sky's Piece of Paradise CD. I still cannot find one and realistically it's been almost 9 years since it first came out, so as time goes on my chances are probably slim to none. Anyway here is Sky's video for the song "Love Song" with the beginning part cut off for some reason. Enjoy.

Christmas Wishlist

- a new iPhone to replace my broken one
- a Macbook Pro
- window tints for my car
- a bunch of squash or apple scented Japanese car fresheners
- Starbucks gift card
- Lush gift card
- Lululemon gift card
- Radar detector
- Cineplex tickets
- money
- a year's membership at Moksha Yoga
- The Office Season 4 and 5 DVDs
- a SIGG aluminum water bottle to replace the dented one I have
- a down filled comforter and down filled pillows
- more will be added.